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Divorce - The Definitive New Zealand Guide

The process of separating and divorcing is often costly - our guide explains everything you need to know to minimize unnecessary spending, maintain control of your future and get your finances back on track.
Updated 10 July 2024

Divorce Summary:
  • If you're considering getting a divorce, our guide outlines the  most important things you should know. 
  • The importance of a lawyer you trust cannot be overstated - while relationship breakups can start on good terms, things can change quickly through no fault of your own. A good lawyer will protect you and look after your interests. 
  • There are many considerations to make - children, the family home and relationship property are just some of the important parts of your life that you'll need to finalise. 
  • Protecting yourself financially, looking after your mental health and being aware of the law is also critical. 
  • Know This: Are you currently in a relationship and wanting to separate? Our Separation Agreement guide has you covered.

With the right support, the divorce process can be managed without being emotionally draining. To help you prepare, our guide covers:

Our guide to Divorce, thanks to our friends at Agreeable

  • MoneyHub proudly partners with Agreeable, which offers a service to build you a personalised separation agreement online. Agreeable also offer online certification for your agreement, where you get expert legal advice and your signature witnessed, at a fixed price and without leaving home.
  • We believe the Agreeable service offers a faster, easier, and cheaper process compared to the traditional law firm approach.
  • You can learn more about their separation agreement service here.

Separation vs Divorce - What is the Difference?

The lines between separation and divorce can sometimes be blurred. However, here are a few key differences to note:
  • Separation comes before divorce - you must agree to separate or have a court order specifying a separation date before you can get a divorce. Once a couple has been separated for at least two years, they can apply for a divorce.
  • A separation doesn’t have to be legally formalised - a couple can technically separate just by agreeing to separate and living apart. While a formalised separation (usually via a separation agreement) can make the process easier for everyone, it’s not a requirement for separation. Meanwhile, a divorce requires a formal declaration from the Family Court, officially called a Dissolution Order.
  • Divorced couples are no longer married - a couple that separated while married is still considered legally married, even if it has received a Separation Order from the Family Court. A divorced couple is no longer married once the divorce is finalised.
  • Non-married couples can separate - formalised separations are still possible - and common - for couples who didn’t marry. This means that a separation agreement (or a Separation Order) is the only option for formalising the end of a de facto relationship (generally defined as non-married/non-civil union couples that have lived together for at least three years). Divorce is only applicable to marriages and civil unions.
  • Separation gives you time to reconsider and decide on relationship property - the two-year minimum period for separation (before a divorce can be pursued) gives the couple time to reconsider their decision and decide on dividing relationship property. It is not advisable to apply for a divorce if you have not resolved your relationship property division. Upon divorce, a couple generally has just 12 months to agree on their division of relationship property; otherwise, the default equal sharing principle will apply.
  • More details can be found in our separation agreements guide.

Know This First: ​Choosing a Lawyer to Manage Your Divorce, Costs and Your Rights

Getting a divorce is a difficult but important decision to make. How you feel about this process will be subjective, and largely based on how well you feel your lawyer performed. However, your feelings are still important, and probably more fragile now than at any other time in your life. So your choice of lawyer is important.
 
It’s important to know upfront that the lawyer has no emotional investment in this process. In many cases, lawyers go to court against other lawyers they may know or are even friends with. As uncomfortable as this may be to hear, the legal back-and-forth between lawyers is simply a negotiation. Your feelings about what is happening are no doubt defined and clear cut, while their aim is to remain impartial. The bottom line for the lawyer is reaching a resolution, and they are less concerned than you are about what form that takes.
 
You should consider the following when choosing a lawyer:
  • Compare hourly rates and costs associated with each lawyer
  • They should hear your concerns from the outset and not be dismissive
  • They should fully understand your situation. This is usually demonstrated in their advice and proposed solutions
  • They should not push you to accept a solution you are uncomfortable with – this may result in future escalation of the process and more expense for you
  • You are within your rights to change lawyers if dissatisfied
 
Again, bear in mind that this is an emotional time. If you are unhappy with your lawyer, you must handle this the right way. Accusing a lawyer of bias or anything that may be considered slander is taken very seriously by the judiciary.

Know this: You may have the best lawyer, but in a 2019 survey, family lawyers cited “dealing with unrealistic / aggressive / inexperienced” opposing divorce case lawyers more of a problem in their professional lives than dealing with their own client's unrealistic expectations. This means that your ex's lawyer, if unsuitable, could end up costing both of you more money.

What does a divorce lawyer cost?

This January 2020 Stuff.co.nz article, a survey of family lawyers conducted by accountants Grant Thornton in 2019 found that legal representation during divorce cost between $301 and $500 an hour. Specifically:
  • More than half the lawyers surveyed charged $301 to $400 an hour, while a further 14 per cent charged between $401 and $500, and 2 per cent (all in Auckland) charged more than $500.
  • Beyond the hourly costs of a lawyer there will also be hearing fees and, in many cases, property valuation fees, accountancy fees and/or other professional fees.

Important: Understanding Your Rights If Your Ex Partner Wants to Uplift Property Before You Have Consulted Lawyers

It is important to remember that while the law seeks to address joint property fairly, you also have rights. If the other partner has left the family home, they legally require your permission to re-enter the home to uplift (i.e. take) property. You are within your rights to allow your ex partner access, but it's also equally within your rights to refuse them access and allow the lawyers to determine what they can and can’t uplift. You can also change the locks if you see fit.

Know This: The Law is Designed to Make Divorces Low-Cost and Efficient

As noted in this January 2020 Stuff.co.nz article, a High Court judge said “Important values reflected in the Property (Relationships) Act are the desirability of processes for resolving relationship property disputes which are simple, inexpensive and speedy, and minimise the opportunities for animosity, blaming and belittling behaviour". The law, however, cannot protect two parties who decide to go to war with each other. In such cases, the consequence is (almost certainly) high legal bills, a delayed settlement and a lot of stress. 

Ten Must-Know Divorce Facts and Tips

The process of negotiating and finalising a divorce needs to be done delicately, even if you have a good relationship with your ex-partner. Our must-know tips explain everything that's important to help you proceed with confidence and awareness.

Know This First: Are you currently in a relationship and wanting to separate? Our Separation Agreement guide has you covered.

The cost of divorce can be minor or massive - how much you'll pay depends on how you and your ex-partner proceed

Divorce can be affordable, or, as is so often the case, so astronomically expensive that it seems near-impossible to get through it.

​Amicable divorces get through the courts system easily and with little money spent. On average, couples pay $5,000 - $10,000 in divorce costs for amicable divorces. Non-amicable divorces can drag you through the courts for years, costing you thousands of dollars in court fees alone. 
 
Must-know costs and fees:
  • All parties need a lawyer to sign the paperwork. Even if you have a friendly divorce, everyone has lawyer fees 
  • Lawyers generally charge an average of $300 - $500 per billable hour
  • Many lawyers require an upfront retainer to cover initial services 
  • Court fees for filing for a divorce cost $211.50 but can cost more if the time taken exceeds the standard process

Discussing finances as soon as you get separated reduces the risk of problems and arguments

Sorting out finances is just as difficult as arranging child custody arrangements. You both want what belongs to you and what’s best for everyone, but money can bring out the worst in people. 
 
It's best to action the following right away: 
  1. Switch joint utility accounts – Joint accounts should be switched, frozen or, if no longer needed, cancelled. These will include home phone, power, newspaper, mobile phones, internet accounts, etc.. If you can’t agree on who will take custody of the account, freeze it until it gets worked out in court. If you don't, one (or both) parties can charge excessively and leave the other person with the financial burden.
  2. Close joint bank accounts – As soon as possible, all joint bank accounts should be closed, and you should open accounts in your own name. Make sure all bills and payments cleared before closing it. Also, determine how any assets in the account get split (you may need the courts to decide).​ You don't need to wait to talk to a lawyer - you can action this to protect yourself.

A lawyer will advise on other big-ticket items (see below), but getting clarity on the everyday finances is a critical first step.

For anyone in a relationship for over three years, the law requires a 50:50 split of relationship assets and debts when you get divorced

The Property (Relationships) Act​ makes it clear that relationship property is split 50:50 when a couple divorces. The only exception to the law is when a prenup has been signed or if you've been together for less than three years (unless you've contributed to all relationship property equally). 
 
If you lived together and were married for a total of less than three years, the law defines the marriage as one of 'short duration'. In such cases, property gets divided based on the following: 
  • Property one spouse owned before the marriage belongs to that spouse
  • Property that one spouse was gifted or inherited during the marriage belongs to that spouse
  • The spouse who made the greatest contribution (if proven) to specific property gets that property
 
How do debts get shared and sorted out?
No matter how long you’ve been married, any personal debts remain personal debts (not split) as long as there is proof of it being a personal debt.​ If you accrued relationship debts during your relationship, they’re usually split down the middle 50:50. Courts typically split the assets and then deduct the debts from the assets 50:50 to come to each party’s bottom line.

Consult with a lawyer when you get divorced

If you have children, shared property, or even shared bank accounts, involving a lawyer is important. While it's an upfront cost, they're experienced, follow the best practice and act in your best interests. A lawyer can tell you what accounts to freeze immediately, what steps to take to protect any property, and even what details to update that you may not think of, such as: 
  • Updating your will and changing beneficiaries on all assets
  • Updating a rental agreement if you rent, based on who will keep the property
  • Talk about how you’ll handle the mortgage if it’s in both parties' names (you may need to refinance to take one spouse off if someone keeps the property)
  • Figure out your net worth in case the divorce is contested in court by you or your ex partner

Managing your finances

One of the first changes you should make when you separate and/or get ready to divorce is managing your own finances. It’s a shock to go from two incomes to one, so you have a lot to think about here.
 
Start with: 
  1. Opening a bank account in your name – Make sure only you have the login information and PIN for the account. Any money that belongs to you and isn’t contested, deposit in this account.
  2. Change passwords and pin numbers – Any accounts you keep open, make sure you change the passwords and PINs if your ex-partner has access to them.
  • Consider freezing your credit cards until you get everything sorted out – If you want to keep the credit cards, find out how to remove your ex-partner from the account so they don’t rack up charges that you must pay.
  • Make sure the bills continue to get paid – Just because you’re splitting up doesn’t make your debts disappear. You still have to pay the utilities, mortgage, and credit card bills on time. If anything is on automatic withdrawal, make sure you update accounts accordingly if you close the joint bank account or change accounts.
  • Become aware of your credit history – Check your credit report to make sure your ex didn’t open accounts before you froze everything and/or racked up your current credit cards or lines of credit.​ Our guide to credit reports and scores covers what you need to do. 

Updating your Estate

If you have children or any assets, you should update your will. If you have a family trust, this will likely change in nature after a divorce. You may have life insurance or beneficiaries on your bank accounts. All of this must be updated to ensure you are in the best possible position.
 
Think about: 
  • Talking to your lawyer about your will. Chances are your ex is in your will. Talk about the changes you must make to remove him/her and change who receives the assets that were set to go to your spouse.
  • Call your life insurance company to change the beneficiary of your life insurance proceeds if it was your spouse. 
  • Check all bank accounts. Even if they are in your name, check if you have a right of survivorship or a beneficiary named that is no longer a part of your life, or that you wish to have on the account​ 

Handling children during a divorce

When you have had children during your marriage, and you’ve decided to divorce, you must consider their needs carefully. Before you go to court, it’s ideal to figure out child custody arrangements so it doesn’t get ugly when you get to court. This is easier on everyone involved, especially the kids. 
 
As you work out custody arrangements, you will need to: 
  • Go through mediation if you and your ex-spouse can’t agree on how to handle custody of the children
  • Go to court if you still can’t determine the children’s situation

Because there's too much to summarise into one point, our Guide To Being a Single Parent helpfully presents must-know facts and considerations. The guidance helps you to know what's needed to put you and your children first.

Avoid common mistakes in a divorce

Going through a divorce is scary and overwhelming, but there are certain things you shouldn’t do unless you want a complicated and costly divorce. Here’s what not to do:
  • Skip consulting with an lawyer.  You should always consult with your lawyer, even if it appears to be an amicable divorce.
  • Overlook your finances. You should figure out how to split the assets, and close joint accounts, including debts.
  • Take advice from well-meaning outsiders. You should talk to the professionals and make sure you do everything right to move the process along faster.
  • Use your kids as pawns. Divorce is hard on kids too, keep them as comfortable as possible without involving them in the divorce drama.
  • Forget to change your will and other final documents.​ You should make sure that all documents mention the relevant beneficiaries.

Know the risk factors to a messy divorce upfront

Per this January 2020 Stuff.co.nz article, there are some indicators as to whether or not you'll have a messy divorce. These include:
  1. A partner who is (almost) impossible to negotiate with.
  2. A partner who generally struggles with relationships (employment, family, neighbours etc.) and has a history of falling out with people. 
  3. A partner who is a bully, or a narcissist.
  4. There is a trust, economic disparity and/or disputed assets. The higher the value of your assets, the more difficult it can be to agree on what's fair. 
  5. Existence of Business assets- these can be problematic when one partner has directly built the business and feels like the other partner shouldn't have a share. 
  6. The existence of a family home owned outright by one partner before the start of the relationship.

​Generally, an aggrieved ex may wish to take a legal route, even if it's likely to fail, out of frustration. Such behaviour increases each of the parties' legal bills.

Looking after your mental health

​Mental Health is often overlooked or not talked about in your situation. It's important to keep up your self-care, whatever that looks like for you. For some people, this may be the lowest point of their life, and perhaps for the first time, you may want to speak to a professional counsellor. This can be costly, but there are also free options provided by the Government, specifically in your situation.

​Some church Pastors are also qualified counsellors and will talk with you at no cost. The important thing is to ensure you get help if you need it. Many separated and divorced people can remain in a state of undiagnosed depression for many years if they don't seek help to work through things.

Our guide to Divorce, thanks to our friends at Agreeable

  • MoneyHub proudly partners with Agreeable, which offers a service to build you a personalised separation agreement online. Agreeable also offer online certification for your agreement, where you get expert legal advice and your signature witnessed, at a fixed price and without leaving home.
  • We believe the Agreeable service offers a faster, easier, and cheaper process compared to the traditional law firm approach.
  • You can learn more about their separation agreement service here.

Divorce - Frequently Asked Questions

The divorce process, from a legal perspective, isn't complicated because New Zealand courts generally make the application and decisions quite efficiently. If you have an ex-partner unwilling to divorce, you can apply on your own. Our list of questions below outlines what's most important. 

​How long does it take to get a divorce in NZ?

Some divorces, especially amicable splits, are official immediately after filing with the registrar. Other more complicated divorces that go to court could take years to get through the system. Once you work everything out legally, the order becomes effective immediately if both partners are in court. If only one spouse comes to court, the other spouse has 21 days to contest it if he/she lives in New Zealand, 30 days if he/she lives in Australia, or 50 days if he/she lives anywhere else in the world. After that, if there's no objection, divorce will be granted.

How can you get divorced quickly?

To get divorced, you must first separate. You have to be separated for at least 2 years before you can get divorced. You can live together for a total of 3 months during this time if you’ve been trying to fix your relationship (as specified on the government's guide to divorce). There’s no getting around the 2 year rule. Once you are through the 2-year period, you can complete a divorce quickly if it’s an amicable divorce and both sides agree on everything. It can take a month or two to complete the process if you’re careful and there are no conflicts.

How long do you have to be separated to get divorced?

You must prove to the courts that you’ve been separated for at least two years before you can get divorced. If you live together while you figure things out, it can only be for a maximum of three months for the court to grant your petition for dissolution.

Do you have to live in New Zealand to have a divorce granted?

At least one partner must still live in New Zealand for the courts to grant the dissolution. 

How can you file for divorce if one person won’t sign?

Per the Department of Justice, if your ex-partner doesn’t want a divorce, or they won’t agree to apply with you, or you don’t want to ask them to apply, you can apply on your own. This procedure will also help you get a divorce if you don’t know where your ex-partner is living.

To apply, you'll need to:
  1. Fill in the forms in the application pack
  2. Attach an original or certified copy of your marriage or civil union certificate
  3. A copy of your separation agreement or Separation Order, if you have one, to prove you’ve been living apart for at least 2 years.
  4. Pay the fee for applying for a divorce is $211.50 (including GST).

Next Steps
Once your application is processed, your ex-partner will be given the divorce documents. Your ex-partner then has a set time to decide if they want to ask the Family Court not to approve the divorce. This is called defending the application. This is usually:
  • 21 days after the documents are served in New Zealand
  • 30 days if they are served in Australia
  • 50 days for anywhere else in the world.

For more details, visit the Ministry of Justice's dedicated guide to divorcing on your own.

What percentage of marriages end in divorce in New Zealand?

Approximately 8 to 10 out of every 1,000 marriages end in divorce in New Zealand every year per Stats NZ released in 2019.

What happens if my relationship (including the time I was married) was for less than three years?

The law calls this a "relationship of short duration" which means property is generally divided on the basis of contributions to the marriage or civil union. It's not shared equally.

What happens if I want migrate to another country with my new partner?

An important thing to note regarding divorce in New Zealand is something called the Decree Nisi. This is a legally binding document historically used for divorce in many western countries. New Zealand, however, abolished the Decree Nisi in 1980. Since that time, the Ministry of Justice simply issues you a letter titled Order Dissolving Marriage. This is something to be aware of if you plan to emigrate to another country that will require proof of your divorce if you plan to extend your Visa to your current partner (for example, when migrating to the United Kingdom).

Our guide to Divorce, thanks to our friends at Agreeable

  • MoneyHub proudly partners with Agreeable, which offers a service to build you a personalised separation agreement online. Agreeable also offer online certification for your agreement, where you get expert legal advice and your signature witnessed, at a fixed price and without leaving home.
  • We believe the Agreeable service offers a faster, easier, and cheaper process compared to the traditional law firm approach.
  • You can learn more about their separation agreement service here.
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