What to Do When Your Spouse or Partner Dies – The Definitive New Zealand Guide

Our guide covers immediate actions, legal responsibilities, financial considerations, and coping strategies, ensuring you have all the information you need during this challenging time.

What to Do When Your Spouse or Partner Dies NZ

Updated 18 July 2024

Summary:

Losing a spouse or partner is one of the most devastating and life-changing experiences that one can go through. Most Kiwis hope they don't need to experience this, especially when they pass away far earlier than expected.
The grief accompanying this loss can be overwhelming, and the practical considerations of handling the deceased's estate, finances and other responsibilities can be challenging and are the last thing on many Kiwi's minds.
To help explain what needs to be done, we've published this guide in an effort to put everything in one place. As this is the first edition, if you have something you'd like to share, please contact our research team.

Our guide covers:

Reader Tips and Feedback Summary from Reddit
We shared this guide on Reddit in late 2023 and received valuable feedback and tips from readers who have experienced the loss of a spouse or partner. Here are the key points:

Joint Bank Accounts and Credit Cards: Many readers highlighted issues with joint bank accounts and credit cards. Banks often cancel secondary cardholder cards and lock internet banking access, causing significant inconvenience. To avoid issues, it's essential to ensure all accounts and cards are accessible and update bank records to avoid access issues.
Guardianship Considerations: Discussions around the guardianship of children showed that emotional stress could impact decision-making. For this reason, it's essential to choose guardians who can handle crises effectively by reviewing and updating wills to ensure practical guardianship choices.
Useful Government Services: The MyTrove service was recommended by readers for notifying insurance companies and helping locate policies and funds that might be overlooked.
Credit History Implications: Readers pointed out the importance of credit history, as secondary cardholders might not have a credit history with the bank. For this reason, it's important to consider maintaining a separate credit accounts to build an independent credit history.
Funeral Planning and Costs: Readers advised keeping an emergency fund to cover funeral expenses and the prolonged probate process. Our guide to funeral costs outlines the importance of planning for a substantial emergency fund to manage immediate expenses.
Probate and Estate Management: Probate can be lengthy and costly, and having a will in place is crucial to avoid complications. To eliminate issues, ensure you have a will and understand the probate process to manage expectations and costs.
Media Coverage in High-Profile Cases: For deaths in high-profile incidents, dealing with media can be an additional stress. If this applies, you'll need to be prepared for media interaction and seek support as early as possible if necessary.
Clarification on Immediate Actions: When reporting a death, clarify authorities' roles, such as the police, ambulance, or GP. Based on the circumstances of the death, you'll need to contact the appropriate authority.
Support for Surviving Spouse: It's important to clearly understand the difference between joint and individual accounts. Ensure to notify the bank so that joint accounts continue functioning smoothly.
Additional Resources: Use the government's End of Life Services guide for comprehensive information and links to necessary services.

My Spouse Has Just Passed Away. What Do I Need To Do First?

The first thing to do is to take a breath.

Know that nothing is so time-sensitive that it has to be done right this second, and the police aren't going to come and arrest you if you don't act right away. If you feel comfortable enough to research and continue through the process, the government has built a dedicated landing page for everything related to Death and Bereavement.

What must I do immediately after my spouse/partner passes away?

Once you’ve gotten past the first few hours or days, it’s time to go through the typical procedures you might need to do. Immediate actions or considerations you'll likely need to take within the first week of your partner passing away include:

Informing the relevant authorities that they’ve passed away (typically NZ police or ambulance staff).
Let your workplace know what's happened and plan to take a break from work (either via bereavement leave, sick leave or annual/unpaid leave). Under statutory law, New Zealanders get (up to) three bereavement leave days if a close family member passes away.
Search for the most recent version of their will (if there is one).
Plan and coordinate the funeral, burial, or cremation services.

What non-urgent things do I need to do after my spouse/partner passes away?

Things to action or do in the subsequent weeks and months after your spouse's passing include:

Officially registering or recording the death and getting the death certificate (if applicable, in most cases, the funeral director can action this for you).
Funeral preparation (including calculation of ball-park expenses and ways to minimise them).

Manage the deceased's financial affairs.
Getting your head around probate and wills, specifically around the mechanics of implementing any of the directives outlined in the will.

What Am I Responsible For When a Spouse or Partner Passes?

In the wake of your spouse's passing, several immediate responsibilities fall upon you. These responsibilities are generally placed on you because, as the deceased's partner, you'll likely be the best placed to assist or provide information to the relevant authorities.

Step 1 - Medical Certificate of Death
First and foremost, obtaining a Medical Certificate of Causes of Death is crucial, generally provided by the attending doctor. If the death was unexpected, the police and coroner might be involved to determine the cause of death.

How do I register the death of my spouse or partner and obtain a death certificate in NZ?
In New Zealand, you typically register a death in two key ways:

1. Engaging a Funeral Director:
If a funeral director handles the funeral arrangements, they will report the death to Births, Deaths, and Marriages. They’ll require certain personal details about the deceased individual to complete this process, such as:

The deceased individual
Their parents and offspring
Their marital status
The cause of death
The time and location of the burial or cremation
Some of your contact details

2. Arranging the Funeral Privately/Personally:

In cases where you’re taking care of the funeral arrangements yourself or if there isn’t a funeral, the responsibility to report the death falls on you.
You must report the death to the government department of Births, Deaths, and Marriages (BDM) within three business days following the burial or cremation. Forms for this purpose can be obtained at the Births, Deaths, and Marriages website.
The New Zealand government has a comprehensive landing pad for information related to registrations of deaths in the Births, Deaths, and Marriages (BDM) section. There is no charge for reporting a death. However, obtaining a death certificate incurs a fee (around $33).

Step 2 - Locating and executing Wills (if applicable)

Following this, it’s essential to locate the will, if one exists, to ascertain your spouse’s wishes regarding the distribution of assets and their funeral arrangements. If there’s no will, the Administration Act 1969 (specifically, Section 77) dictates the division of the estate.
Engaging a solicitor can often help navigate the complexities of estate management, including obtaining probate, managing assets, debts, and other legal obligations.
You must also consider your immediate financial needs, especially if your spouse was the primary earner. Accessing joint bank accounts or understanding your entitlements and benefits is essential to secure your financial stability. We'll break down these considerations and entitlements below.

Which Third Parties (People, Businesses, Organisations, etc.) Must I Notify or Contact When a Spouse Passes?

After you've done the urgent or immediate actions above, the next steps involve contacting many third parties to inform them of your spouse's passing. Some of the key third parties that you'll likely need to get into contact with include:

Banks and other financial institutions must be notified to freeze the accounts, thus avoiding unauthorised transactions. You should also reach out to utility providers and other monthly subscription services to cancel or change the account name. Banks are responsible for making operational changes to things like bank accounts, mortgages, and any outstanding debt (including key changes to things like joint accounts or investment accounts - that you may not have access to or be aware of). Most banks have a similar process regarding deceased estates (for example, ASB has a step-by-step guide to follow when your loved one passes away). Generally, the best thing will be to contact them as soon as possible so they can get the operational changes underway as soon as possible.
If applicable, the deceased's employers should be informed, and arrangements should be made to receive any outstanding pay or benefits.
Funeral Directors.
Lawyers and Executors are the main third parties that deal with things like estates, wills and distribution of assets. If you have a dedicated lawyer you worked with in the past (to set up trusts or wills), get back in contact with them. If not, consider reaching out to a specialist estate lawyer.
Immediate Family members and very close friends. Generally, you won't need to tell everyone about your spouse's passing immediately. It's important to try and focus on telling only those who need to know. Otherwise, you risk stretching yourself too thin and spending hours on the phone with hundreds of acquaintances. Everyone will find out in time, but for the weeks following your loved one's passing, just focus on the small circle of family/friends for now.
Other friends or community members (if applicable and appropriate).

What is the funeral arrangement process?

Arranging a funeral involves several steps influenced by cultural, religious, and personal preferences.
The first decision revolves around whether a burial or cremation is preferred, often dictated by the deceased's will or family wishes. Contacting a funeral director can ease this process, assisting in preparing and coordinating the funeral service, handling paperwork, and providing support during this challenging time.
Other administrative decisions (such as choosing a venue, inviting attendees, and organising obituaries) are integral to funeral arrangements. In New Zealand, it's common to hold a service in a church, marae, or funeral home, or even outdoors, depending on your spouse's and family's preferences.
Preparing a eulogy and arranging flowers, music, and catering are additional aspects to consider to make the funeral service a memorable tribute to your spouse.

What are the best funeral arrangements to do?

New Zealand offers a diversity of funeral arrangement options, catering to a broad spectrum of cultural, religious, and personal preferences.
Traditional funeral services involve a viewing, a formal ceremony, and burial or cremation. However, there's a growing trend towards more personalised and non-traditional services, like life celebrations or memorial services focusing on commemorating the deceased's life.

What Financial Things Do I Need to Know and Do When Spouse Dies

What Financial Things Do I Need to Know and/or Do?

The definitive list:

As stated above, contact your partner's bank to determine whether automatic payments (such as direct debits or auto transfers) are stopped or continue to be paid if relevant (such as mortgage, insurance, power, water, utilities, etc.). These will largely vary depending on whether the deceased party was responsible for paying these costs from their sole or joint accounts.
Assets and liabilities will likely be distributed according to the will (and this is normally done by the executor.
If you or your partner are/were in retirement, inform the Ministry of Social Development (MSD) of any changes that need to be made to your NZ Super payments.
If your spouse was working in retirement (or received NZ Super payments) they will likely need to submit a final tax return. It will be useful to have your spouse’s IRD number on hand (which you can find on any IRD tax return documents). Alternatively, the IRD should be able to locate and provide this number to you if necessary.

How to Approach the Grieving Process While Managing Administrative/Financial Matters

1. Don’t forget to take some time to grieve
While engaging in the logistical and legal aspects following the death of a spouse, it's equally essential to focus on emotional and psychological healing. As time passes, the acute pain of loss will evolve, and the journey of adapting to a life without your spouse will gradually unfold. It's a personal journey marked by an array of emotions and phases of grieving.
Seek support, allow yourself to feel and express your emotions, and take each day as it comes. Every individual's experience of loss and mourning is different. There's no set timetable or prescribed path to follow. Honour your feelings and your own unique process of healing.

In New Zealand, various support networks can assist individuals navigating through grief and loss:

Groups like Skylight Trust provide resources and counselling services tailored to help those with grief. Engaging with such support can play a pivotal role in the healing process.
Talking to friends and family or joining a support group can also make a significant difference, offering a space to share feelings and experiences and to receive comfort during this challenging time.
Organisations like the Grief Centre offer a range of support, including counselling, support groups and resources to aid individuals and families during their grieving process. You don’t have to walk this path alone - support is available, ready to provide the care and assistance you need during this difficult period.

2. Grieving is a natural process and is unique for each person
The grieving process varies greatly from one person to another, and there is no set timeline for how long it will take. Some people may find that they start to feel better after a few months, while others may still be struggling after a year or more. Be patient, and don't compare your grieving process to others.

3. Take care of yourself physically and emotionally
When grieving, taking care of yourself physically and emotionally is essential. Ensure you're eating well, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly. Engaging in self-care activities that help you feel nurtured and supported is important, such as spending time with loved ones, engaging in hobbies and interests, or seeking professional help.

4. Handle practical matters where possible
Your grief and capacity to make progress on certain things will come in waves. If (and when) you feel comfortable enough for periods, taking time to action on some of the practical matters above will do a few things:

Get you active, out of the house and engaging with something.
Making progress on things that ultimately need to be done (and will fester away if not done).
Provide an opportunity to connect and lean on others.

Must-Know Facts in the Circumstance When Your Spouse Passes Away

1. Keep a shared document of all the relevant documentation, identification and important information in the instance one of you, unfortunately, passes away unexpectedly
You can never be too prepared, especially towards the end of life. If you or your loved one are potentially worried about passing away and want to ensure your surviving partner isn't laden with stress, one of the ways you can help out (while you're alive) is to pool together a list of the key/relevant documents, including:

Previous and current versions of wills.
Multiple forms of identification (such as a current passport, driver's licence, etc.).
Joint bank statements.
Utility statements.
Details of key logins or ways for your partner to access something.
A record/list of most or all investment accounts (e.g. $X at ASB, $Y with Sharesies, etc.).
- One of the most common scenarios is that you might have term deposits, investments or money/cash that your significant other doesn’t know about - and it may be multiple years, or never, that your family gets awareness or access to it.
Birth certificates.
Marriage certificates (if applicable).
Information on children or guardianship (if applicable).
A key list of all the relevant people in your life (friends, family, community members, etc.) AND their contact details (otherwise, your surviving significant other will have to go rummaging around to figure out who you might have intended to be at your funeral and trying to find their contact details).
A rough funeral plan (e.g. cremation versus burial, large versus small funeral, family only or everyone, preference for high or low cost, etc.).

2. Be mindful of funeral costs (and if applicable, also make sure to pick the right funeral director)
Nobody wants to "pick the cheap option" when picking the final resting place for their loved one. However, remember that funeral directors know this and may likely recommend options that are either very expensive or less cost-effective compared to other options.

Funeral directors know you likely won't be haggling much on price or comparing and contrasting different funeral directors. While we can't suggest you do this, keep in mind that funerals can easily cost anywhere from a few thousand to $20k+.

The last thing your late spouse would want is for you to get into a tough financial position.

Check whether you might be eligible for any financial support from the New Zealand Government due to your spouse's death.
Work and Income New Zealand (WINZ) provides various types of financial assistance, such as Funeral Grants, Orphan’s Benefits or the Unsupported Child’s Benefits if dependent children are involved.
Depending on your circumstances, there might also be other types of support WINZ. Contact WINZ to ensure you get all the relevant support you’re eligible for.

3. Know your obligations as the living spouse of the deceased
It's essential to know that New Zealanders have a legal obligation to register a death within three working days. Also, the deceased's assets cannot be accessed or distributed until the estate has gone through probate (which normally has a window where the estate must not be distributed to allow other claims on the estate to come through), a legal process that validates the will and authorises the distribution of assets.

4. Know whether there is a will and who is administering the estate
Administering the estate of the deceased is another crucial aspect that requires attention. It involves gathering assets, paying off debts and taxes, and distributing the remaining property as the will directs, or according to New Zealand's intestacy laws, if there's no will. Most of the time, an executor will be appointed to do all this.

However, seeking legal assistance is recommended to ensure that this process adheres to legal standards, safeguarding the interests of both the deceased and the survivors. There have been instances in the past where wills and estates have been dispersed wrongly or fraudulently.

Frequently Asked Questions Related to When Your Partner Passes Away

What happens to joint accounts?

Generally, joint accounts will either have their funds transferred into an account of the remaining spouse (sole account) or the account will continue to be accessible by the surviving spouse. A bank will discuss which option is most suitable for you (most of the time, it will depend on what makes more sense operationally and from an ongoing payments perspective).

What happens to investment accounts?

As an investment account is an asset, it will likely get allocated and dispersed as per the will (or through the Administration Act 1969) by an executor or lawyer. It can be useful to let the custodian of the investment account (such as a bank, brokerage or investment advisor) know that your spouse has passed away so they can prepare the back-end operational steps to ensure that the assets can either be liquidated, transferred or dispersed as swiftly as possible.

What happens to the bank accounts of the deceased?

Similar to the above, as bank accounts are typically deemed as assets, they will be covered under the will (if applicable) or through the Administration Act 1969 via an executor or lawyer.

What’s involved in transferring ownership of something like a mortgage or a house?

Generally, a bank will assist you in transferring ownership of anything mortgage or home-related (especially if it's a joint account). Most of the time, there may overlap with the deceased's will, but generally, a banker, lawyer or executor will manage this transfer process.

What government authorities are there to help me with this process?

The government has a dedicated department to support Kiwis whose partners have passed away, known as the End of Life Service (EoLS). EoLS has created a dedicated web page that details at a high level the main steps and processes necessary when your loved one has passed away.

What do I do when my partner passes away overseas?

The NZ Government has an entire section in the Death and Bereavement section for when someone dies overseas.

I don’t ever want to put my partner in a stressful position if I pass away unexpectedly. What can I organise or do before I die?

It's great that you're thinking about this stuff well in advance. Unfortunately, most people tend to avoid thinking about death (especially regarding their death). By thinking ahead, you're saving your spouse and family many potential stress/headaches.

We've included a section above of all the relevant documentation and identification that would be useful for you to pool together in case you pass away.

My partner has a terminal illness. What do I do to plan?

As mentioned above, try to bring together all the relevant documentation and identification that would be useful for your spouse if you know you might pass away in the near term. However, a huge caveat is to know that the time you have now is precious. Spend as much time with your loved one as possible. You won't get back this time- everything administrative will work out just fine. Try not to overthink the preparation.

When should I take the time to grieve? How much time do I need?

People take no one time period to get over grieving fully. Each person will go through their grieving process (ranging from a few months to multiple years). Don't worry so much about expectations around when you should be "moving on" - take it as it comes.

What should I do if there is no will?

Without a will, the Administration Act 1969 outlines the distribution of assets. This will normally be managed by an executor (either court-appointed or otherwise).

How do I arrange a funeral?

Arranging a funeral can be daunting, but many professionals can help guide you through the process. You can work with a funeral director, who will handle many practical aspects of arranging a funeral, or you can make the arrangements yourself. Consider the deceased's wishes, budget, and preferences when making decisions about the funeral.

What is probate, and do I need it?

Probate is the legal process of dealing with the deceased's estate, including distributing assets and settling debts. In New Zealand, you (or the executor) must apply for a "grant of probate”. The High Court of New Zealand has a comprehensive guide on the probate steps. Our guide to probate has further details.

How do I deal with joint bank accounts and property?

When a spouse or partner dies, you must notify any banks or financial institutions where you held joint accounts. In most cases, the surviving partner will inherit the deceased's share of the joint account. However, you should check the specific terms and conditions of the account, as some may require additional documentation.
For jointly-owned property, the way it’s dealt with after a partner's death will depend on how the property was owned:

If the property was held as "joint tenants", the surviving partner will automatically inherit the deceased's share.
If the property was held as “tenants in common”, the deceased's share of the property will be distributed according to their will (or as per the Administration Act 1969).

Common Questions About Living On After the Passing of a Spouse or Partner

How can I cope with my feelings of grief and loss?

Coping with the death of a spouse or partner is an intensely personal experience, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to grieving. It's important to give yourself permission to grieve, be patient with yourself, and seek support from friends, family, and professionals. Some people find comfort in attending support groups, talking to a therapist or counsellor, or engaging in activities that help them feel connected to their loved one, such as visiting their grave or memorial site or engaging in activities they enjoyed together.

How can I help my children cope with the loss of a parent?

When a spouse or partner dies, it's essential to consider the impact on any children involved. It's important to provide age-appropriate information about the death, encourage open communication about their feelings, and offer reassurance and support. Consider seeking professional help, such as a therapist or counsellor specialising in grief and loss, if you're concerned about your child's coping ability.

How can I keep the memory of my spouse or partner alive?

Honouring and preserving the memory of your spouse or partner can be an important part of the healing process. The most common way to celebrate your partner’s life is to hold a funeral with all their loved ones (friends, family, etc.). However, a big question is how to keep your partner’s memory alive through time.

There are many ways to do this, depending on your preferences and the deceased's wishes. A lot of Kiwis do some of the following:

Create a memorial space in your home, such as a dedicated shelf or corner where you display photos, souvenirs, and other items that remind you of your loved one.
Establishing a memorial website or social media page where friends and family can share stories, photos, and memories.
Planting a tree, creating a memorial garden, or dedicating a park bench in their memory.
Donating to a charity or cause important to your spouse or partner or setting up a memorial fund in their name.

Participating in events or activities that your spouse or partner enjoyed or that you enjoyed together to honour their memory and stay connected to them.

How can I rebuild my life after the loss of a spouse or partner?

Rebuilding your life after losing a spouse or partner is gradual and ongoing. Taking small steps towards healing and creating a new sense of normalcy in your life is important. Some suggestions for moving forward include:

Prioritising self-care, such as engaging in activities that bring you joy and help you feel grounded and nurtured.
Reaching out to friends, family, and support groups to build a network of people who understand your experiences and can offer support and companionship.
Consider professional help, such as therapy or counselling, to work through your grief and develop coping strategies for the future.
Taking time to re-evaluate your goals, values, and priorities, and exploring new interests and activities that can help you create a sense of purpose and direction in your life.
Gradually becoming more comfortable with the idea of forging new connections and relationships while honouring the memory of your spouse or partner.

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